The Feliz-ing of America

My day started very early today. So early, in fact, that Mc Donald’s was still serving dinner when I stopped by on my way in. Suffice to say that I am a little tired. So I am sitting here at my desk writing a very important document (somewhere in the DOD, someone needs to hold down a shelf, so they have me write a massive document) and I since my brain is a little foggy (I had coffee and McD’s Chicken Selects for breakfast) I am thinking my way through the wording and all of the sudden an elf appears next to my desk. At this point you are thinking that I am either hallucinating or I am making something up. I assure that neither is true. This elf, a full grown man (easily mid 50s) in a green sleeping cap with bells on it, a green felt shirt with gold buttons on it, really tight green tights, green pointy shoes with bells on them pushes a candy filled cart into view and hands me a candy cane and says in a loud voice, “Merry Christmas!” My first thought was, his boss knows he is doing this! Followed by, a government employee just said “merry CHRISTMAS,” how unusual, followed by, that is perhaps not the most unusual thing about this man. How secure does one have to be in their masculinity, or total lack thereof to prance around a military base dressed like that!? I was, honestly, caught so off guard that he had probably left the building by the time I had a reaction. How do you put that on a resume? What do you put down as your quals for a job like that? Maybe, “I got some green tights in Jr. high, Yes sir, I am pretty sure they still fit.” What is that guy's salary? Who pays it? This joint is amazing!